On one condition

Si fueras una verdura serias: un collyflor (If you were a vegetable you would be: a collyflour)
Si fueras un elemento serias: plata (If you were an element you would be: silver)
Si fueras una figura gemétrica serias: un círculo (...geometric figure: a circle)
Si fueras una textura serias: peluche (...a texture: a fluffy texture)
Si fueras un período histórico serias: la guerra de 80 años (80 year war between Spain and Holland)

The last one beating the rest of the pack quite confidently I would say. We are of course talking about conditionals, or as the Spanish say rather exotically Condicionales. The other day in class we had to answer the above mentioned quirky questions. In class I love these assignments as I get to know my classmates. Answering a question like ‘if you would be a historical period, you would be’ of course says as much about your personality as kicking a last-gasp drop goal in a World Cup final. A situation which we – by the way – discussed during another class.

That’s what Spanish class is all about. Not only do we learn the lingo but we also get a free psychiatrist session thrown in. Luckily two of the pupils have studied Psychology so classes about our childhood are the most successful ones. Both of them however admit that they are not fully qualified to attend to our deepest, most inner fears and feelings. Although this doesn’t stop me chatting away about the time we found my brother Pieter – at the time aged three – at the bottom of a swimming pool in Singapore.

Today was the birthday of my Spanish teacher Maria and we decided to give her a surprise party. I made a tortilla, Fernanda the Brazilian girl (pictured here with her son Gabriel) brought a bottle of coke, Olga (Russia) and Monique (Germany) bought chocolates and Tyler the American failed to bring anything. His funny questions in class however excuse him from all wrong-doing. As many of you know, I have started teaching English classes and it are the simple questions like ‘teacher, could you explain the third conditional to me’ that scare me. By now, of course, I know that there are four. I give classes voluntarily at the Centro Hispano-Colombiano and it now also is my job as I teach between 10-15 well-paid weekly hours for a company called HotEnglish. For the latter I do not have to teach in the nude as the company name might suggest.

It is going well although yesterday there was a bit of anarchy in the classroom at the immigrant centre as my game of ‘match the drawings with the words’ turned into a mass theft competition between the various teams I had created. Some kids preferred my drawings of cats and pigs to those of bananas and apples and consequently set it upon themselves to steel their classmates’ drawings. I tried to intervene but things only got worse when the kids found out that there were even more drawings in my bag. Just at that moment an external evaluator walked into the classroom. I smiled, she frowned and left.