Feliz Cumpleaños

Coming wednesday the 28th of March will be the birthday of me and my brother Pedro. 25 years ago we shot to fame as the first British-born twins in South Korea and many would argue that it has been downhill on the fame-scale eversince. However, to celebrate this wonderful anniversary I am throwing a party on friday the 30th of March. Proceedings will start at our flat at around 10 o´clock. After a traditional Spanish botellón at the flat we will commence with a march on the South Korean embassy where we will be offered the Freedom of the country. Everybody who reads this is invited.

On one condition

Si fueras una verdura serias: un collyflor (If you were a vegetable you would be: a collyflour)
Si fueras un elemento serias: plata (If you were an element you would be: silver)
Si fueras una figura gemétrica serias: un círculo (...geometric figure: a circle)
Si fueras una textura serias: peluche (...a texture: a fluffy texture)
Si fueras un período histórico serias: la guerra de 80 años (80 year war between Spain and Holland)

The last one beating the rest of the pack quite confidently I would say. We are of course talking about conditionals, or as the Spanish say rather exotically Condicionales. The other day in class we had to answer the above mentioned quirky questions. In class I love these assignments as I get to know my classmates. Answering a question like ‘if you would be a historical period, you would be’ of course says as much about your personality as kicking a last-gasp drop goal in a World Cup final. A situation which we – by the way – discussed during another class.

That’s what Spanish class is all about. Not only do we learn the lingo but we also get a free psychiatrist session thrown in. Luckily two of the pupils have studied Psychology so classes about our childhood are the most successful ones. Both of them however admit that they are not fully qualified to attend to our deepest, most inner fears and feelings. Although this doesn’t stop me chatting away about the time we found my brother Pieter – at the time aged three – at the bottom of a swimming pool in Singapore.

Today was the birthday of my Spanish teacher Maria and we decided to give her a surprise party. I made a tortilla, Fernanda the Brazilian girl (pictured here with her son Gabriel) brought a bottle of coke, Olga (Russia) and Monique (Germany) bought chocolates and Tyler the American failed to bring anything. His funny questions in class however excuse him from all wrong-doing. As many of you know, I have started teaching English classes and it are the simple questions like ‘teacher, could you explain the third conditional to me’ that scare me. By now, of course, I know that there are four. I give classes voluntarily at the Centro Hispano-Colombiano and it now also is my job as I teach between 10-15 well-paid weekly hours for a company called HotEnglish. For the latter I do not have to teach in the nude as the company name might suggest.

It is going well although yesterday there was a bit of anarchy in the classroom at the immigrant centre as my game of ‘match the drawings with the words’ turned into a mass theft competition between the various teams I had created. Some kids preferred my drawings of cats and pigs to those of bananas and apples and consequently set it upon themselves to steel their classmates’ drawings. I tried to intervene but things only got worse when the kids found out that there were even more drawings in my bag. Just at that moment an external evaluator walked into the classroom. I smiled, she frowned and left.

Art for Art’s sake

Whilst in Stockholm I visited the Vasa Museum up to four times to entertain friends and family. Even the doorman at one time asked why I was visiting so often because it was no more than, in his words, ‘just a big old ship’. The answer to his question was rather simple: the Vasa Museum is Stockholm’s Eiffel Tower, its Big Ben.

It’s been over four months now since I moved to Madrid and I have yet to find a Berlin wall, a leaning tower of Pisa, or a Vasa Museum for that matter. Not enough big ships around. There is no typical Madrid picture. And yet, with the visit of Sylvie and Asaf, it was all about pictures. Sylvie wanting to take them and Ace wanting to be on them. I have – on this website – selected but a few of the weekend’s modest results.

There is only one thing better than friends visiting and that is friends who already have a plan – and a good idea at that – of what they want to do during their stay. Sylvie had produced a list of no less than 20 museums and galleries she wished to visit and Ace, Ace just wanted a beer. Try juggling that! Looking back I am confident that they both got what they wanted.

On Friday, before the arrival of Ace we did a tour of the best galleries Madrid has to offer. Sylvie is into contemporary art and I would like to point out that there is a significant difference between modern and contemporary art. Although I don’t know any technical terms the main discrepancy between the two is that modern art is nice to look at while contemporary art just frustrates you. Frustration is of course also closely linked with Atlético Madrid. Actually Atléti was Ace’s primary reason for visiting. The crunch match was against our city rivals Real. Ace and I met with Eduardo to taste a bit of the atmosphere. Both of us were holding a home-made Empanada in our right hands. We met up just outside the stadium, the atmosphere was electrifying but whilst Edu had a prime spot inside the stadium we had to settle for front seats in Bar Obelisco. What we saw was injustice of the highest order. The referee stole a two goal lead and it eventually ended in frustration of a draw (1-1). The evening was however salvaged by a good night out and a mighty tasty chicken sandwich.

The highlight for all I guess was our Sunday stroll through El Parque del Buen Retiro. The park – which lies in the heart of Madrid – is the place to be on a Sunday. We were struck by nice weather and whilst Carmen and Sylvie rested a little of a fine bench Ace and I found the time to play with our new toy: a Frisbee-like plastic donut which – according to the instructions could be propelled for ‘up to half a kilometer’. Ace and I managed a good 20 meters before lobbing it into a medium-sized birch. After that the fun was all but over although Ace did manage to catapult the device out of our tree with a fair-sized stone.

So in the end, Sylvie enjoyed her art, Ace had his beer (or two) and Carmen and I enjoyed everything. Shame it was only a weekend.