
The Knights are led by a man who is approximately 12 feet tall with disproportionately short arms and reindeer antlers inserted into his helmet (played by Michael Palin standing on a ladder). The other Knights are of normal human dimensions and act as a chorus, only repeating words and phrases that the head Knight has spoken.
The Knights are to be found in a forest and demand to King Arthur that he gives them a shrubbery (a good one and not too expensive) as a payment to pass through the woods they defend, which he in the end obtains in a nearby village.
Now, today I myself had to pass the mighty Knights Who Say NIE! My knights only differed in two ways to the Monty Python ones: the way they say NIE is more open (pronounced as knee-eh) and they are located – not in any woods – but at Plaza del Campillo del Mundo Nuevo nº 3, right next to my house.
NIE in their case stands for número de identidad de extranjero and is like a social security number which every foreigner needs to obtain to work and live in Spain. In other words, it is a bureaucratic procedure with difficulties. Naturally I was afraid of the Knights Who Say NIE so I brought along a shrubbery just in case.
Upon entering the building I had to leave the shrubbery outside for security reasons. I tried to convince the doorman that I had brought it as a present for the Great Leader who was going to attend me; he was unimpressed but let me pass. This was going far too easy.
Inside I was scanning the waiting room for the 12 feet tall civil servant who was going to tell me that I didn’t fill in the correct papers and that I had to come back in two months time. I couldn’t find him or her. Instead there was just a friendly man sitting behind a desk who told me to wait just a momentito. He even offered me a biscuit which I declined.
Sure enough after five minutes I was attended by another friendly looking person who asked me to pass through to her office. I had already figured out how to say in Spanish “Sorry, the doorman didn’t let me pass with the Shrubbery, but if you let me I can go down and get it for you now.” But she never asked me the question. Alternatively she asked me where I was from and what the names of my parents were (Is your father’s name Peter Thomas or Neil…just choose one, we don’t mind!).
Within two minutes I had my NIE and I was a legal entity in Spain. I was confused. This had gone way too easy. When I left the office and stumbled down the stairs I passed the doorman and nodded hasta luego. Two seconds later I heard the doorman shout “Caballero!”. “Of course,” I thought, “They have discovered something and now I will need to hand back my newly obtained number and come back in two months.”
But this is not what the man said. He just simply communicated “Sir, your shrubbery.”